Return
by lauracullen
Summary: It was only a matter of time, and not very much time, before I showed up at your window begging for forgiveness" Bella, never went cliff diving, but Edward eventually gave up trying to stay away from Bella after him left in New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

Edward POV

Edward POV

Nothing about the house had changed- to human eyes that was. No human could have noticed the subtle changes; the ivy that was just that bit longer, the more weathered old windowsill, but I had spent so long crouching outside her window every detail had been etched into my brain. It was those memories, and others, that had kept me alive, well, existing, all that time. It had killed me of course, every time I even thought her name, my chest tore open yet again, so painfully I could have sworn my heart was still beating, and being ripped out over and over again. But it was worth it, just to see those memories of Bella in my mind. Bella, my only love… but I had left to keep her safe. Being with me was so dangerous, it was sure to kill her some day, either because of the dangers I constantly exposed her to, or Jasper would lose control again, or… the thought was so terrible, but… it could be me, me that lost control one day around her horribly delicious blood. All those reasons to stay away, to keep her safe. So why was I crouching outside her window right now, only six months later, albeit six months that had seemed like sixty years. Dammit! How could I be so selfish? Why couldn't I think of something apart from myself and my own heartache for once? I deserved nothing, especially not Bella, not I, the monster who had killed so many I had stopped counting their numbers. No, Bella belonged to someone who had a right to such an angel.

_But she chose you _a voice in my head whispered. _She had the whole world to choose from, and she chose the monster. It killed her when you left. Go back to her._

I frowned, pinching the bridge of my nose. Every cell in my body screamed at me to go back to Bella, to climb through her window like I had a thousand times before, and lie with her, hearing her mumble my name in her sleep, kissing every inch of her beautiful face. I remembered something I had once said to her, when I had been explaining why I wasn't going to kill her. Mind over matter, I had said. Mind over matter. I was strong enough to keep myself away from Bella.

Oh, who was I kidding? The mere fact that I was here at all instead of hundreds of miles away, tracking Victoria, proved I was too weak to stay away, selfish creature that I was.

Suddenly I stiffened, as a scream rent the night. A scream I knew, from a thousand near-death experiences, not of them mine of course. Bella's scream. Her heartbeat was rocketing, sending that delicious blood rattling round her veins, but I wasn't even thinking about her blood. All I knew was that Bella, my Bella, for all the lies I had told her as I left, was screaming in fear.

I didn't even think after that. I was in though the window, landing gracefully on the floor, and beside her in an instant. Beside my Bella again. Even though her sleeping face was still contorted in pain, I felt more at peace than I had for months. Suddenly, I was back where I belonged. My heart suddenly seamed to burst back into existence, my eyes opened again. Gently, I stroked her face, willing her back to peaceful sleep. I did not want her too wake just yet, wake and scream at me to get out, to leave her alone. I knew she could never forgive me for the pain I had caused her, and rightly so. But just now, just for a little while, I could lie with her, stroking her cheek with my cold fingers and gently humming her lullaby. Even after all this time, it came easily. Maybe it had always been on the tip of my tongue, part of me, just as she was. Her familiar heartbeat soothed me. I remembered how I used to be able to pick it out from a room full of strangers, how it used to jump erratically whenever I touched her.

Bella's breathing calmed, her heart beat slowed. It felt as if nothing had changed, as if this was just another night as I watched her sleep.

"Edward" she murmured, "I love you"


	2. Chapter 2

Bella POV

Even the fun I had had with Jake couldn't stop the nightmare tonight. I ran through the forest, head turning wildly, searching for a way out. My long hair whipped around my face. I screamed, in fear, and pain, the pain in my chest that would never leave me.

But then, suddenly, the dream calmed. A cold breeze stroked my cheek, oh-so-gently, and through the trees came my lullaby, hummed from the lips of an angel. I could see the angel, now, standing before me, as if he has been there all along. No mere memory could compare with the perfection of this image. It was completely accurate, his messy bronze hair still tousled, his golden eyes fixed on mine. A shaft of sunlight pierced the gloom of the forest where we stood, turning his skin to a thousand fractured diamonds.

_A memory_ I told myself. _Just a very convincing memory, _But unlike all the others, this memory of my lost love did not tear a hole through my chest. It felt… right… to be standing here with him.

"Edward" my lips moved of their own accord, spelling out the name I had been trying to avoid for so long. "I love you"

Then the forest faded, to be replaced by another dream. In this on I lay in my own bed, in my grotty old tee shirt and sweatpants. In fact, the only reason I could tell it was a dream at all was that the angel was still here, cradling me in his arms, smiling his crooked smile down at me, with his eyes fall of love and sadness.

"Hello Bella"

"Edward?"

He bent his head gently to kiss me.

"No, don't!"

His eyes clouded.

"I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything else. You have moved on. That's all right, I won't stop you, it's why I left in the first place. I just want to see you one more time, then I'll go."

"No! That's not it, but if you kiss me, I'm sure to wake up, and I don't want to do that just yet."

He chuckled.

"Love, you are awake. I just came… to beg for your forgiveness. And to beg you to take me back. I love you Bella. I thought I could live without you to keep you safe, but I can't, selfish creature that I am. I love you. I always have and I always will."

"Don't! Please, you'll just make it more painful when I wake up."

"Bella. You are awake. You don't have to forgive me, just… believe me. I love you so much."

I shook my head, trying to clear it of the bewilderment.

"I just want to know if… if you can still love me… after all I did to you."

His voice was broken and halting. I had never heard him sound less human.

"Edward" I realised I was crying. "Edward, I could never stop loving you. Never. But I just can't believe this is real. What you said…"

"What I _said_? Bella, I lied. I lied through my teeth, and it was the blackest kind of blasphemy you could imagine. I lied because I had to keep you safe from all the perils of my world, no matter what the cost to myself. But you know what? I can't do that any more. I simply can't stay away from you. I just wanted you to know that."


	3. Chapter 3

I had expected many things; Bella screaming at me that she didn't love me anymore, that I should get out of her life, Bella curled up on the bed with another boy, perhaps that vile Mike Newton, in my darkest moments I had even imagined no Bella at all, and a new grave in Forks cemetery. I knew that her hatred was what I deserved, and it would be best, for her, if she did hate me. But not this disbelief! That Bella, the only reason for my long and tortuous existence, could for almost a year have entertained the notion that I cared nothing for her was inconceivable? As if she wasn't a million times too good for me!

"Bella, how could I not love you? How could _anyone _not love you? You are the most beautiful, perfect women in all creation. That's why you don't deserve someone like me, who brings you nothing but danger. And I knew that, that's why I left. I had to tell you I didn't want you, because otherwise you would never have moved on. I thought I was strong enough to survive without you… but I was wrong. I can't live knowing you believe I don't love you, and I can't live without you. I don't know how I ca make you love me again, when I've hurt you so much, and if you want me to leave I'll go now."

At the mention of leaving, Bella's warm hands clutched at me.

"I love you Edward"

Four words. Four words that pulled the world back into shape and made everything right again. Four words that, even though I would never deserve them if I lived a thousand years, seemed so wholly true.

For a second I wondered how I had ever imagined she would no longer love me, and then I hated myself for it.

"Bella, you don't have to-"

"I love you Edward. I love you more than life itself. I could never stop loving you. The only thing that kept me going all this time was the knowledge that you were out there somewhere, even if you didn't love me"

I winced at the words.

"Edward." She stared straight into my eyes, repeating the word over and over.

"Edward. Edward. You're here."

"I'm here… and I love you. I love you more than everything I have ever cared for in my hundred years put together. And if you are willing to take me back I will do everything I can to earn your trust back."

"But how can you stay? When I'm so… feeble and useless."

"Bella, you are not useless. I wish, just for a second, you could see yourself as I see you, as the most beautiful creature in all creation. Trust on that if nothing else love."

Her eyebrows furrowed in thought as she digested what I had said. Then she suddenly kissed me on the lips.

I had thought I could remember exactly what it was like to kiss Bella, but I couldn't. No memory could fully hold the pure magic I felt as her lips moved against mine.

I felt her warm tears on my face, and looked up in alarm, but she was smiling through her tears.

"Oh Edward. I love you so much"

**Ok, so I won't be posting anything more for a few weeks because I am off to Sri Lanka! Yeah baby! It's gonna be so fun! Anyway, hang in here, more will be coming. xD**

**Love Me**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm back! Did you miss me? Sorry I haven't updated in forever, but as I pointed out last chapter, I was in Sri Lanka. I still don't own anything except my awesome writing skills and incredible modesty.**

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I lay there all night, my face buried in Bella's hair. Despite her protests, she was very tired and soon fell asleep, but her hands never let go of me. Her scent was like a white-hot iron bar thrust down my throat, but I knew that for now the monster in me was truly under control. The bloodlust seemed detached somehow. I felt it, almost as badly as when I'd first seen her, in that biology class so long ago, but it was eclipsed by the knowledge that where I was right now was the only place I was ever meant to be, by Bella's side. I had always believed that vampires had no soul, would never find heaven, but now I wondered if I was wrong. If the true heaven was anywhere that she was, then I was there already, with no need for God, or a soul. _All I needed was love. _I chuckled. Good old John Lennon. Now there was a really nice guy.

Bella barely spoke that night. Usually her gorgeous lips would mutter streams of almost unintelligible babble, interspersed with my name, but to night all she said, just as the dawn was beginning to break, was "Edward"

It set my heart throbbing in my chest.

Then I heard Charlie's breathing quicken, and I knew he would wake soon. I didn't have much time.

Silently I crossed to her desk and found a scrap of paper and a cracked biro. For a moment words failed me, then I wrote

_Good morning love. _

_Charlie is starting to wake up, so I should go. I will see you at school._

_Remember always that I love you more than existence._

_Edward_

I placed it beside her bed, where she would be sure to see it, and then planted a swift kiss on her lips.

When I got home, Alice was waiting, arms crossed, thinking about fluffy teddy bears. I steeled myself for whatever was coming.

"Oh my god!" She flung her arms round my neck and hugged me. "You went back to her, I always knew you were going too"

Jasper stood beside her. "So I guess we're back for good huh?"

Emmett didn't bother to vocalise, but I heard from his thoughts that he was pleased, not least at the prospect of seeing Bella fall over some more.

Carlisle put his arm around me gently.

"You did the right thing son."

"I know"


	5. Chapter 5

**Short chapter I know. I'm getting kinda writers block, and thinking of letting this story dribble to a halt soon. After all, we all know all the stuff that happens after Edward gets back, the key scene was that scene in Bella's room. **

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Bella POV

When I woke again, it was as if I'd woken in a new world. As if I had left behind the empty hell I'd inhabited for months, and only now opened my eyes to heaven. Surprisingly, I didn't wonder if last night had been a dream. I knew to the bottom of my heart something that only hours ago I had refused to even consider, and that was that Edward loved me as I loved him. More than life, more than existence, more than anything. I didn't know how I knew this, when it was so plainly ludicrous. When I thought about it, it was inconceivable that such an angel could be meant for me, but that didn't change what I knew so deeply.

There was a note by my bed. I sighed as I read it. Already the pangs of missing him were starting to come back, but this time it was different; I knew he would be coming back.

I hurried to get dressed, hardly noticing what I put on except that my sweater was the dark blue shade he loved against my skin. It was the very sweater I'd worn when we went to the meadow that first time.

When I stepped outside, he was waiting for me, with his Volvo.

"Would you like a ride with me again?"

He tried to smile, but his eyes were still agonized as I climbed into the car.

"This is wrong Bella."

"What?" Was he about to leave again?

"How can you forgive me so easily? After all I did to you?"

"There's nothing to forgive. I know you did it to protect me."

"That's just it! It would be easier if you were even a little angry! You forgiving me like this just reinforces the fact that a monster like me doesn't deserve you."

"Edward, the way I feel about you is unconditional. I hate to burst your bubble, but there is nothing you could do to stop me loving you. I could _never_ not love you."

Edward closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he always did when he was worrying.

"So what happens now? Do we just go back to the way we were before, after what happened? _Can_ we go back?"

"No. But it's not about going back, we need to move on. Things can never be exactly the way they were before, but they can be better."

His hand was in mine, without my ever seeing it move. His anguished topaz eyes gazed into mine, and slowly the anguish drained out of them, to be replaced with determination.

"Marry me."


	6. Chapter 6

Bella POV

I stepped into the shower, letting the warm water wash over my skin, soothing all the tension in my body. It had been a tough day. Predictably, there had been enough gossip about the Cullen's sudden reappearance to keep Jessica Stanley occupied for weeks, and I had been forced, again, into the centre of attention. It had been excruciating. Or it would have been, if Edward hadn't been there. Whenever the staring got too much, or the whispers made me want to run far away from Forks and never return, his hand would touch mine, and an electric spark would leap from him to me and remind me why I was alive. I had forgotten how much I loved him, forgotten how beautiful he was, how his eyes burned into mine with that dazzling passion, because no weak human memory of mine could ever do any of it justice.

_"Marry me"_ _Edward whispered, his eyes blazing with the most intense love I had ever seen. I didn't think, I didn't even breathe. _

_"Yes." I whispered. Then my brain caught up with me. This couldn't be happening. He had left me. And then he had returned. But now he couldn't have proposed. That wasn't fair, A person couldn't have so many good things in one day. But even if he had… could I say yes? Renee would kill me if I got married so young, she had told me, my whole life, to take marriage seriously, wait until I was old enough to make a decision I wouldn't regret later. While my heart told me that I would never be able to regret marrying Edward, the little parental figure inside my head told me "You have your whole life ahead of you! You can't get married this young."_

_"No, Edward… I can't get _married! _I'm eighteen for god's sake!"_

_"Bella… Alice had another vision… the night I decided I had to come back to you. She saw you as one of us. I don't know if that's still what you want, but I thought you should hear it from me."_

_"Is that what you want?" _

_"No. Not because I don't want you by my side forever, of course I do. But this is not the life you deserve. The life of monster, a vampire. You deserve a full, human life, and then to die an old woman in your bed with all your grandchildren holding your hand. I can't take that life away from you and still be able to live with myself."_

_"Even if I'd wanted that life, I could never have it now. Even if my insane clumsiness doesn't kill me first, I'll never want anyone but you. Hence no grandchildren. Is that what you want, me a wizened old woman, lying dying in my bed, with you beside me, still perfect and seventeen for ever, and then you left alone for God knows how many more years."_

_"I wouldn't be left alone. I'd go to Italy and find someway to die."_

_I remembered the words he'd spoken to me before he'd left, so long ago, about the Volturi and how they did not take kindly to people who irritated them. The thought made me feel dizzy._

_"No!" I gasped. "No you can't do that!"_

_"I'm not going to live without you Bella, I'm not that strong."_

_"Edward, you have to change me. I don't care about the stuff I'd be giving up, I have to be with you, for ever." I chuckled._

_"What's so funny?" Asked Edward; he looked distraught. _

_"I just thought. I have no choice but to marry you at eighteen, since I'll probably be eighteen forever."_

_"Don't say that!"_

_"It's what I want Edward. Is it really not what you want?"_

_"Bella, you'll be the death of me. Of _course_ it's what I want, to be with you for the rest of my existence. I want it more than anyone has ever wanted anything. But to do that I would have to make you give up your life, your soul, and I can't do that."_

_"Edward, look at me." He raised his tortured golden eyes to mine. "Do you think that I believe you have no soul? Or Carlisle and Esme, who are so compassionate and good? And even if we do have no future in the afterlife, we could conceivably never die, so that's all right. I don't need a heaven if I have you."_

_"So marry me."_

_He gently went down on one knee. _

_"I don't have a ring with me right now-"_

_"Good."_

_"But if you will agree to be my wife, I promise I will love, care and protect you until the day I die. I will also… change you into a vampire, after the wedding."_

_I stared blankly at him._

_"Bella, don't think about anyone else, or about what's expected of you and your generation. You are not, and will never be, ordinary, ordinary rules can't apply to us. Just do what's right for you."_

_"Yes." I whispered. "Yes, With all my heart. I will marry you."_

I glanced down through the steam of the hot shower at the ring on my finger. Edward said it had belonged to his mother. It sparkled in the soft light. I was scared, but not badly. Soon we would have to tell Charlie, and everyone else in Forks would soon know. After that.. I didn't know. They would probably have to fake me death, to explain my sudden disappearance from the human world. But I wasn't thinking about that. I was going to marry Edward, the man I loved more than the world.

I stepped out of the shower and pulled on my old tee-shirt and sweatpants, brushed my teeth and washed my face.

When I stepped out of the door, Edward was waiting for me.


End file.
